…and comes out a monger.
I want to talk about the first time. Because this was the moment, maybe the lightning bolt that opened up my mind (much like LSD) to the possibilities of the pleasures of the flesh. I was a young man, not much more than 20 years old and had just moved to the big city. [In retrospect the city wasn’t that big after all considering the populations of the places I frequent now.]
After a few months of drinking heavily I managed to find myself at a local strip club. This was a particularly standard western style club where there was a stage, the girls would come out and do a dance, normally to a theme [seriously though one night a girl did a ‘theme’ of a laser pointer in her asshole where she squeezed and nearly fucking blinded the barman]. Three (maybe four) songs and the strip club DJ with the OTT enthusiastic DJ voice would introduce the next dancer. Bambi, or Candy, or fucking whatever disney character she’d chosen when she walked into the place looking to fund a drug habit or a law degree.
After drinking a fuck tonne of Heineken I decided that tonight was the night I would venture across the road to a place that had a “Gentleman’s Club” sign outside. I’d never been in here, I figured it was just a more relaxed version of the same thing. Maybe they had cigars and good scotch.
Opened the front door.
I entered a tiny booth where I was greeted by a woman’s face behind some bars. She said “what would you like”. I thought for a moment and asked “what’s on offer?”
She handed me a sticky laminated sheet that told me what the prices were. It was this moment that I realised all my teenage dreams could become reality if I had a wad of cash equivalent to the number on the right hand side of the teenage dream that I wanted to fulfil.
Digging into my pockets [like a chump] I realised that the fuck tonne of Heineken had really fucking drained my funds. I was working in a job that actually paid a reasonable amount but man… $80 for one hour? [little did I know that Asia was a mere $300 flight away]
Without hesitation I blurted out “I’ll have the ‘Quick Fuck’ please.”
This was the cheapest thing on the menu and at the time, all I could afford. Fuck… ATM’s were more or less non-existent and besides, there was nothing left. I had a company Amex but my boss would have probably shot me [actually I found out later he would have shaken my hand] if I’d used it.
So I paid my $80 and was buzzed through like a fucking prison. Buzzzzzzzzzz, ok you can enter now. Push the door, go on through.
It was 3am so I didn’t have a lot of choice. Like seriously there was the good looking brunette or the hideous fucking beast. I chose the brunette. Hell I was in my 20’s so I figured I’d better make the most of it. It could be my last!
She guided me to the cell block showers. I mean, fuck, this place was considerably fucking prison like. Not that I’ve been in prison but it was a group shower with a concrete floor and multiple shower heads like you could have possibly been sharing with a big dude who paid less than me and *accidentally* dropped the fucking soap.
I hastily had my shower and made my way back to where I thought my room was. Nope… I can see a hairy arse banging at an inappropriate velocity on top of some skinny blonde girl.
Oh yeah this is my room.
So anyway the brunette girl I chose was really nice. I explained this was my first time here [I’m sure that was met with a Mr Burn’s like rubbing of the hands]
We did the deed (nothing to really explain there) and then she told me to leave.
I felt cheap and used, but with a brand new appreciation for the services that were available. Little did I know that I would go on to be someone to contribute so ridiculously to the Asian economy.
This is my first story, what’s yours? I’m interested to here. By the way – the featured image is the ACTUAL building where this incident took place. Different owners and there have been many renovations since.
Until next time. MikeX